Childhood Home
by LanieSullivan
Summary: Set during season six: A Lorelai contemplates her estrangement with her mother. One-shot


Disclaimer: _Gilmore Girls_ is the property of Amy Sherman-Palladino and The WB. This work is intended strictly for entertainment purposes and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's note: Just a short little one-shot taking place during the horrible mother-daughter season six estrangement. I ask of my readers not to include spoilers in public reviews please.

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As she lay in bed, Lorelai Gilmore's thoughts were in a whirl and as strange as it sounded with everything that had happened, all that kept running through her tortured mind was how much she wanted to talk to her mother. Yes, she was angry with her. Yes, she had been hurt by her, but yet she still loved her. As stupid as it was, as hurt as she was, she still loved her. She kept replaying their last fight over and over again in her head as she tried in vain to sleep. She couldn't figure it out. What had really gone wrong between them?

She punched her pillow in frustration and rolled over onto her back staring at the ceiling as she thought about it. She should have told her about her engagement to Luke. How hard would it have been for her to pick up the phone and make a phone call? She should know that her getting married would make her happy since she'd wanted it for so long. So why didn't she tell her? She let out a deep sigh. She knew why. She couldn't swallow her pride and share her good news with her because she was too bitter about not being told about the moving-out.

Moving out. Why _had_ she moved out? Why had she dropped out of Yale for that matter? Was her self-esteem really that fragile that she couldn't take one rejection? Hadn't she been raised better than that? Hadn't she been raised to always believe in herself and to never let anyone talk down to her? Furthermore, to always fight for what she wanted? That's what her mother had always taught her. She may not know much with all the turmoil she was feeling, but she at least knew that much.

But what else did she really know? She glanced over at the man sound asleep beside her, smiling slightly at his rumpled hair. She knew that she found peace in his arms. That was really the only time she felt at peace anymore. Too much of the rest of her life was in chaos, but he always brought a smile to her face, always did anything he could to make her laugh or smile and it worked...for a while, but it didn't remove the inner torment.

"Screw this," She muttered as she flung the covers off, padded to her closet and began rummaging through it for something to put on over the tank top and shorts she'd gone to bed in.

"Where're you goin," the half-awake male voice mumbled into the pillow without raising his head to look up at her as he fumbled blindly at the now-vacated spot in the bed

"I have to go see my mother and get a few things straight, once and for all," she answered, planted a quick kiss to the top of his head, pulled a coat on over her nightclothes, shoved her feet into a pair of flip-flops and headed out the door.

As she drove, she couldn't help wondering why it was that it seemed that the distance between Stars Hollow and Hartford never seemed longer than when she was in a real hurry to get from one to the other, like now. Now, it just seemed painfully long because it gave her way too much time to think. Time to think about her own part in the vicious estrangement between herself and her mother as she headed toward her childhood home.

Home? Is that what it was, she wondered. Was it still her home? Did she still have a place there? Had she ever really? Her mother had always made all the rules for her and as soon as she was old enough to make her own, she'd moved out. But the beginning of the estrangement occurring now had happened even before this last big fight, when her mother had learned that she was no longer a virgin and HOW she'd learned that information in the most shocking way possible. Had her mother ever truly forgiven her for that betrayal?

She planned to ask her that among other things like just how she could have betrayed her now. Was her mother's recent betrayal of her some sort of sick payback for her own betrayal for her not sharing her most intimate secret with her and her having to find it out in the awful way that she did? Was she still harboring that grudge to this day? She'd soon find out because sooner that she'd realized she'd arrived in her mother's driveway and had shut of the engine.

She steeled herself by taking a deep breath, but still didn't move to exit her vehicle. "Come on," she urged herself. "Don't lose your nerve now." Yet, still she didn't move. She tried again, using her best "mom" tone that she'd heard her mother and grandmother use. "Lorelai Gilmore, you get out of this car this instant!" Finally she gathered her courage and walked up the drive to the front door, knocking as loudly as she could on the front door, fidgeting nervously in anticipation.

When the door was finally opened, in a meek voice, she hedged, "Uh...H-hi, Mom." She swallowed hard. "C-can I come in."

"Hi, Kid," the elder Lorelai answered, her eyes swimming with happy tears as she reached out to embrace her daughter and pulled her through the front door into the house. "Of course, you can come in."


End file.
